Deal Breakers

Several days ago it occurred to me that perhaps I am just destined to spend the rest of my life alone; and what's worse is, for some reason the thought of it doesn't really bother me much. No matter what you do, no matter how much you love someone, the fact is, they still disappoint and hurt you. Who needs it? Not I; I've had my share. I am to the point where I believe that men are just inherent liars. Hmmm maybe "inherent" isn't the right word. Inherent might imply that they can't help themselves, as if powerless over lying. I disagree. I don't believe they're powerless over it, but rather, they just don't give a fuck about anyone other than themselves first. It blows my mind how a man can look you dead in the eyes and lie to your face and then you bust him the very next day in that very lie. I reiterate, who needs it? I'm tired of cleaning up after someone who truly doesn't give a damn about the appearance of his house, who doesn't care about keeping things clean and in order. I'm tired of constantly worrying about money because he can't budget and refuses to follow one. I'm tired of never having time to myself. I'm tired of not having a regular routine. I guess this is the part where someone would tell me I should be grateful for what I have. I am. I'm very grateful for what I have; doesn't change how I feel tho. It doesn't change the obvious.
I'm tired of "I'm sorry". I'm tired of always having to be the grown-up! I have such a deep resentment about me always being the adult that it has affected every aspect of this relationship, literally. I just don't feel like I have the energy for any of it. I have always taken care of people or someone all my life. It's just not in me to want to do it anymore. I would truly rather be alone than to feel like I'm the only adult in a so-called adult relationship.
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