Complete, Total Mistake

I hate the dog! Sorry, but I do. I resent him every minute of every day. I KNEW better than to get a puppy! I really wanted the Doxie but saw the look on Bayne's face when we saw Murphy so I caved. I HATE having something up my ass twenty-four hours a day, animal or human! He's ruining the carpet. I've limited his water to half a cup every couple of hours but it doesn't seem to help that much. This morning he puked all over after he ate. I really just want to take him back but I'm sure I'll be hated.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Deal Breakers

Several days ago it occurred to me that perhaps I am just destined to spend the rest of my life alone; and what's worse is, for some reason the thought of it doesn't really bother me much. No matter what you do, no matter how much you love someone, the fact is, they still disappoint and hurt you. Who needs it? Not I; I've had my share. I am to the point where I believe that men are just inherent liars. Hmmm maybe "inherent" isn't the right word. Inherent might imply that they can't help themselves, as if powerless over lying. I disagree. I don't believe they're powerless over it, but rather, they just don't give a fuck about anyone other than themselves first. It blows my mind how a man can look you dead in the eyes and lie to your face and then you bust him the very next day in that very lie. I reiterate, who needs it? I'm tired of cleaning up after someone who truly doesn't give a damn about the appearance of his house, who doesn't care about keeping things clean and in order. I'm tired of constantly worrying about money because he can't budget and refuses to follow one. I'm tired of never having time to myself. I'm tired of not having a regular routine. I guess this is the part where someone would tell me I should be grateful for what I have. I am. I'm very grateful for what I have; doesn't change how I feel tho. It doesn't change the obvious.
I'm tired of "I'm sorry". I'm tired of always having to be the grown-up! I have such a deep resentment about me always being the adult that it has affected every aspect of this relationship, literally. I just don't feel like I have the energy for any of it. I have always taken care of people or someone all my life. It's just not in me to want to do it anymore. I would truly rather be alone than to feel like I'm the only adult in a so-called adult relationship.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

New Edition

Got a new puppy yesterday. He is a 3 month old Golden Retriever/Labrador Retriever mix. We named him Murphy.



A LIFETIME PROCESS

We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 52

Life.............3 Months At A Time

BC and I live a rather odd life, financially speaking. Since losing his job, we mostly live on school loans which come in about every 3 mos. It's weird; not bad, just weird.