How The Mighty Have Fallen

Not that I am reveling in someone else's fall; I wouldn't do that. That said, however,

I cannot help but wonder............was this just inevitable?

I learned last night that someone I know has gone back out but is now in de-tox. This is not a person with whom I was friendly; on the contrary. I had nothing but contempt for the son of a bitch; he made my life a living hell last summer. That said, I am still saddened and fearful when I hear of someone going back out - not many of us have too many more "last hoorahs" left in us.
This person was the most arrogant person I had ever had the misfortune to encounter! Arrogant, pretentious, sanctimonious, and all-around ASSHOLE. I've known him a few years but, unfortunately, got to know him better last summer. He and I had an all-out verbal slug-fest after he had the balls to blame me for the ex's drinking. (if you were any kind of girlfriend......etc. REALLY???? You're his fucking sponsor, and so it began)
For one, anyone who knows me knows how seriously I take sobriety - it is the number-one priority in my life. Period. When I start to care more about someone's sobriety than he does, then I've got a problem. Step-one states .......we were powerless over alcohol. It doesn't say I was powerless or you were powerless, or he or she was powerless. WE were powerless. I have no more control over someone else's drinking than I do my own.
After the verbal slug-fest that day, I remember thinking to myself, how does that asshole even stay sober????? With an attitude such as his, blaming others, trying to run the show, etc., how has he managed to stay sober for these years? And I remember my answer - he won't for long. And so my resolve for last night's news was not to revel in CD's slip, but rather, to pray for him, and so I did. And it's not just him. It's any addict. Once we feel better, we inevitably think we're back in control (as if we ever were!) and that we can manage our lives. We cannot.
For me, it is a constant struggle to not want to control everything but I remember the day when I said to God.......ya know, you run this cuz I don't know what the fuck I'm doing - I never felt so free in my life! As addicts, we tend to have a big problem with the word 'surrender', associating it with 'defeat'. Surrender doesn't mean defeat. To surrender simply means to give up control. Easy to say..................hard to do!!!